Big Time Love
by readinggirl1989
Summary: Kendall secretly loves Logan but is dating Jo...
1. Chapter 1

*I do not own Big Time Rush etc...

Chapter 1

Kendall sighed as Logan brushed past him and into the kitchen. "Dude," whispered James "you're being super obvious." Kendall blushed and stammered, "I uh I don't know what you mean." "Sure you don't. So you're not in love with Logan?" Asked James with a wink. "Of course not." Kendall stated "I have Jo. Who I have a date with. Now. Bye." before running out of the room.

_That was close. I really have to be more careful. Logan can't find out. He'd never want to be friends with me if he knew._

"Aaahhh!" screamed Kendall as he jumped straight up from the tap on his shoulder. He took a deep breath as he turned around to face whoever was there. "A little jumpy there. What was so interesting you didn't hear me come up?" asked Jo with a little half smirk on her face. "Just thinking of you. I'm excited for our date." said Kendall sweetly, lying through his teeth. "Ready to go?" "Yes. What did you have in mind?" asked Jo, linking her arm through Kendall's as they walked out the front door of the Palm Woods.

_Think. Quickly. Come up with something good. Can't let her know I was lying. Man, Logan is so cute. No. Back on topic..._

"I was thinking maybe a picnic in the park. How's that sound?" Kendall asked Jo as he was walked them towards the park. "You're so sweet." Jo replied happily.

Kendall set them up with some vendor food behind a couple of bushes, where they had a little privacy but were still able to see the beautiful view. After eating they laid down on the grass and cuddled. He had his arm around Jo's shoulders when she leaned over and kissed him gently at first but then more forcefully as he didn't protest. Her hand was snaking down his front slowly but when she reached his pants he grabbed her hand and pulled away from her, sitting up. "We talked about this Jo. I don't think we're ready for anything more. We're young and we need to focus on our careers. An 'accident' could ruin everything." Kendall stated firmly. "Now, how about we get smoothies and head back to the Palm Woods. Ok?" "Ugh. Touching doesn't make an 'accident' Kendall." Jo groaned. "But touching can lead to more serious things very easily. So the answer is no." said Kendall. "Fine. Let's go." Jo huffed and crossed her arms, stalking off.

_Why does she have to be so touchy? It's a good argument. Sure it's not the real reason but it's a perfectly good one. I can't have her finding out I'm not attracted to her. It would totally ruin the point of dating her. I would never consider dating her if I actually liked girls - she __doesn't__ even like hockey. Logan is so much better. He's so smart and considerate. And so hot. I love you Logan._

"I love you Lo..." Kendall started to say but then stopped, suddenly realizing that he was just standing in the park like an idiot, and hurried after Jo.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Jo turned and bounded back to Kendall, excitedly wrapping her arms around him and kissing him enthusiasticly. "I love you too!" Jo exclaimed between kisses. "Although you really should have done something special. I deserve that." she stepped away from him with a slight frown.

_What have I done? Why wasn't I paying attention? Now I have to pretend I meant it._

"I just thought you'd want to understand why we should wait. It should mean something to you. To us." Kendall said nervously. "Aww Kendy. It will be special. Because it's us. If you love me you'd want to make me happy." Jo purred seductively, trailing a hand down Kendall's front. "I'm serious Jo. We just went over this. Why are you so insistent when you know I'm not ready? Maybe, maybe we need to take a break." asserted Kendall. "You're breaking up with me? Me? I do not get dumped! I'm breaking up with you!" Jo yelled in Kendall's face, storming off again. This time Kendall did not follow her.

_What am I going to do? I've lost my cover. Now instead of admiring Logan I'm going to have to fake being depressed. Oh joy._

***Later that Day***

Kendall was stretched face down on the couch, his head pointed towards the living room. Logan, James, and Carlos were standing in front of the TV discussing what to do about Kendall's depression. Kendall, however, was taking the opportunity to stare at Logan's butt 'covertly'. Covertly meaning that Logan was the only oblivious one.

"I think Logan should take him ice skating." whispered James. "Yes! Great plan!" Carlos shouted. "Shh!" came from all around Carlos. "Why me? Why not all of us?" asked Logan confusedly. After receiving 'seriously' looks from everyone, James responded "I have a date. And so does Carlos." "I do?" asked Carlos and was immediately elbowed as James whispered "Yes, I set it up. Remember?"

_Logan is so sexy. I wish I could tell him how I feel. Maybe..._

"Hey Kendall. How're you feeling buddy?" Logan asked, crouching down next to the couch "Want to go ice skating, maybe play some hockey? You'll feel better. Come on, doctor's orders." He grunted as he sat up; Kendall nodded and let a small smile escape. He grabbed Logan's hand as he got up from the couch, pulling him towards the door.

_His hand is so warm. And it fits in mine perfectly. We'd be so good together. I know we would. If only he was gay too. Everything would be amazing._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Come on Logan," Kendall practically squealed, still pulling Logan. "Let's go!" "I see we had the right idea. You haven't been this excited in a while." Squeaked Logan as he was yanked down the stairs. Kendall paused, Logan took this time to catch his breath, "It's just that it's been forever, Jo didn't like me going." he frowned, shook his head, and started pulling Logan once again, never letting go of his hand.

***At the Rink***

Kendall and Logan joined the few people out on the ice; the music the DJ was playing was catchy and Kendall found himself singing along, after a few beats, Logan joined in, their voices blending into one harmonious being. As the song ended they started laughing and Kendall slung his arm over Logan's shoulder, wanting to be close to him.

_That was just amazing. Gustavo doesn't know what he's talking about. Logan is a great singer and he moves just fine on the ice..._

Logan suddenly tripped, knocking Kendall into the ice before falling on top of him. Their limbs were all tangled together and their faces were so close that Kendall couldn't take it. He brought his face up the two inches that distanced him from Logan and gently placed his lips on the boys. When he tried to pull back Logan followed him, mouths never parting, they kissed sweetly for a minute or two, who knows how long for time had stopped for both of them, before Logan suddenly pulled back and ran off, as best he could in his ice skates. Kendall laid there with a dazed look on his face before realizing that Logan was gone and rushed after him.

_Logan is so perfect. I've never felt anything like that. Ever. I wonder if he felt it too? Maybe he didn't. Maybe he just got caught up in the moment. Maybe he ran when he realized it was me. Maybe he hates me?_

"Logan! Where are you?" shouted Kendall as he left the ice, pulling off his skates and throwing them at the rental counter. "Logan?" He searched the whole seating area before looking in the bathrooms, where he found Logan sitting, just staring into space with a look on his face. "Logan? Are you okay?" asked Kendall worriedly. He reached out to touch Logan's shoulder but as soon as he made contact Logan pulled back quickly before turning to look at him. "Kendall? I need to think. This doesn't make since. Why...?" asked Logan, silent tears running down his face now. "Logan." Kendall said seriously, looking right into those beautiful eyes, "I love you. I have for awhile. But I was so scared that you'd hate me. I messed up. Big time. I wasn't going to tell you. I didn't mean to mess things up. I swear. Do you hate me?"

_What have I done? I knew he'd hate me. Damn it! I ruined everything. What will I do? I'm going to have to quit the band. I can't be around a Logan that hates me. I wouldn't be able to stand it. I only did it to make him happy, but, I kind of like it now. That doesn't matter though. If Logan wants me gone, I'm gone. I'd do anything for him._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

***Logan's POV***

_What happened? I kissed Kendall. A guy. My friend, my guy friend? Did he just say he loves me? Of course I love him, in a friend way, cause we're best friends. Just friends. Right? It can't be more than that can it? I like girls. I know I like girls, I dated Camille! Maybe, maybe I like guys too? Or at least I like Kendall? That kiss was great. I've never felt anything like that. It was like fireworks, the big show-ending kind. It's never been like that before, Camille was only sparklers in comparison. What do I do?_

As he turned his attention from the floor to his friend, Logan called out "Kendall?" only to find that he was gone, the room was empty, Logan was alone. And he wasn't sure how long he'd been that way; he'd been so lost in thought, full of fear and wonder.

_Where did he go? Why did he leave me? Maybe he went home?_

***Kendall's POV***

_I have to get out of here. I have some cash. It should be enough to get a flight back to Minnesota. I'll be gone before he comes home. I don't want to upset him anymore than I already have. I have to do this. It's for the best._

As soon as he walked in the front door of the building Jo was there, in his face, with Jett. She was saying something about replacing him with someone better but he wasn't paying attention. He just brushed past her, walking towards the elevator. The doors opened as he walked towards them, revealing James, who, once he caught sight of Kendall's face, decided to go back up to the apartment with him. They rode up silently, no one speaking until they stepped into Kendall and Logan's room. Kendall grabbed a bag and started throwing clothes in it while James asked questions like "What are you doing?" and "Where are you going?" Kendall didn't answer, too lost in his true misery over Logan's dismissal of his feelings, his face a blank mask but his eyes were heart-breakingly sad. One thing was repeating over and over in his mind...

_Why couldn't he feel it too?_

James had finally had enough. He grabbed Kendall's bag and dumped it on the floor, spilling the clothes. Then he grabbed Kendall by the shoulders and very gently, but firmly, asked "Kendall, please, why are you doing this to us?" Kendall blinked, becoming aware of James, and answered "Logan hates me." with a cry, falling back onto Logan's bed and wrapping his arms around the pillow, inhaling Logan's scent after each sob causing him to cry all the more. "Oh come on! Logan doesn't hate you. That boy loves you. We all know, even your mom knows. He'll figure it out eventually. You know for a smart guy he's not that smart. Give him time." James comforted Kendall, patting him on the back and offering him a box of tissues. "I kissed him" Kendall confessed quietly "and he cried." James worriedly asked "Please explain? In detail." "Well, you know we went to the ice rink. We were singing and laughing and having fun. And then he tripped and we fell. We were all tangled and touching and I couldn't resist him anymore. I just couldn't! I kissed him and..." Kendall recanted, no longer sobbing, but merely sniffling occasionally.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

***Logan's POV***

Logan hurried home as fast as he could. He wanted to make sure things were okay with Kendall. It was weird that he had just left him at the rink. Kendall was usually more considerate than that, at least with him.

_I hope he's okay. I don't know what I'd do if I hurt him. I was just confused. It was very unexpected for me. I had no idea he felt that way about me. He's Kendall. He likes girls. Beautiful girls. At least I thought he did. I hope he's okay._

Logan rushed into the apartment, swiping at his still wet face, before hurrying towards their room. He stopped suddenly as he heard sniffling and inched forward, peering into the room. He took in the open suitcase and the mess of clothes on the floor and bed, noticing James and Kendall on the bed. Touching.

_Was I wrong? Does he like James instead? It would make more sense, James is the FACE. We moved out here to follow James' dream. Maybe I misheard. Maybe he was trying to salvage our friendship when he said he loved me, to make the kiss nonexistent so I wouldn't interfere with his relationship with James? I should have known. No one ever loves me._

***Kendall's POV***

Kendall straightened as he saw someone backing out of the room. "Logan?" Kendall asked hopefully. "Is that you?" He rushed to the door, almost tripping on a pair of sneakers. "I'm sorry. I was worried about you but I didn't want to intrude on your moment with James." Logan said, stressing the word moment.

_What does he mean by moment? Wait, he was worried about me. Maybe he doesn't hate me after all. There's hope! _

"What do you mean by moment? James was just comforting me because I thought you hated me. I kissed you and you cried. You cried Logan! I can't stand the thought of hurting you. That's why I was leaving. I don't want to upset you." Kendall shared.

"You leaving would upset me! I don't want you to leave, ever! You're my best friend. I don't anything to ever come between us. And the crying thing, you must think I'm a big baby. I was just so surprised and confused. I mean, I had no idea you liked guys. And I definitely never would have believed you liked me. You're Kendall Knight! The popular guy, everybody loves you. I'm just thankful that you think I'm worth your friendship." Logan exclaimed quietly.

"Logan, you're perfect! You're so smart and nice and so unbelievably hot. I'm thankful that you hang out with me. You could have anyone you want." cried Kendall, staring into Logan's eyes.

"You really think so?" asked Logan as Kendall nodded emphatically. "Well then would you like to go out with me on Friday?" Logan asked nervously, glancing at the floor.

"Yes!" Kendall practically shouted before running back to their room muttering, "What am I going to wear!"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

***Friday (Date Night)***

***Kendall's POV***

Kendall leaned back in the passenger's seat of the car, content to just watch Logan drive. _I wonder where he's taking me. You know what, it doesn't matter. Anywhere is perfect as long as I'm with Logan. Tonight's going to be fantastic. _Kendall smiled as Logan glanced over at him. "We're almost there. I hope you like it. I wasn't really sure what we should do. Camille and I didn't really go out much, or at all." Logan explained nervously. Kendall opened his mouth to respond but the car stopped before he had a chance. "We're here." stated Logan, getting out of the car and handing the keys to the valet.

_This is amazing. I certainly wasn't expecting this. _"This is the Pink Pepper! How did you even get us into this place?" Kendall asked in awe. "I asked Kelly for advice and she took care of it." explained Logan before walking up to the hostess, "Reservation for Mitchell." She looked at her list and said, "Ah, yes. Right this way please." as she led them to a secluded table. "Your server will be with you momentarily."

***Logan's POV***

_Maybe I shouldn't have asked Kelly where to go on a first date. This is a lot fancier than I imagined it would be. Maybe we should have just done something we would normally do, only without the guys. _"Kendall are you sure this is okay? Would you rather go somewhere else?" Logan asked. "Yes. I think it's really cool that you got us in here but I'm not very comfortable. Let's go do something fun!" Kendall answered.

They stood up rather quickly, causing the couple walking past their table to crash into them. "Watch where you're going!" the man exclaimed, helping the girl up off the floor. "Kendall? What are you doing here? Did you follow me? You need to accept that I dumped you. It's over. Trying to break up my incredibly romantic date with Jett is just pathetic." the girl, Jo, screeched out condescendingly. "Hey, I had no idea you were here!" Kendall exclaimed. "Sure you didn't. Why else would you be here?" Jo asked in her superior tone.

_I need to put a stop to this. She's making a mockery of Kendall. I won't stand for it. _"Excuse me? Why would Kendall be chasing after you? He dumped you. Are you seriously trying to make us believe that he wants anything to do with you?" Logan asked seriously. "Why are you even here Logan? As Kendall's faithful back-up? Certainly not on a date, not unless she ditched you. Is that it? Is Kendall here to pick you up?" Jo asked maliciously.

Logan exchanged a questioning look with Kendall, receiving a nod in return. "I am here on a date Jo but she didn't leave. There is no she. I'm here with Kendall. And now we're leaving." They walked away as she let out a shriek. She yelled after them "I don't believe you!"

They paused, turned around, and looked at her. With a shrug, Logan reached up and brought Kendall's face to his own, he paused to make sure Kendall was okay with where this was going before kissing him fervently. The customers all cheered at the sight; they hadn't liked the way Jo spoke to the boys. Their lips parted as the hostess asked them to please leave, as they were disturbing the restaurant's clientele.

***Kendall's POV***

Logan drove to the beach, parking the car in the sand. Kendall got out and sat on the hood, Logan joined him, and they watched the sunset, together. Kendall reached out and took Logan's hand in his. _Now this, this is perfect. _Kendall was so lost in thought that he didn't notice when Logan got up or when the radio started playing. Suddenly realizing that Logan was gone, he looked around and saw Logan was standing next to him, hand outstretched, with a nervous smile. He took the offered hand, letting Logan pull him into an embrace and they danced. Logan leaned in, his lips almost touching Kendall's ear and whispered, "I love you too."


End file.
